Spurrier, huh?

I am proud to say that about Steve Spurrier, not to mention Adolf the Nazi, Attila the Hun, Demi Moore, and other miskarma'd individuals, I can actually find something good, or at least something other than what is appropriately nasty to say. Besides, all the good shots may have already been taken in the prior comment.

I would never portray myself as a pro-Spurrier person, but I can see the past and possible future success that can come from his detestable qualities. Whether or not he cares more about his ego than he does about anything else is not even debatable in my far-off opinion. I think that he likes for people to be worse off than him. Actually, I think that it is more the showing off that really kicks it for him. I think football is attractive to him, as it is to many athletes in every sport who are somehow automatically better than most at something for a change, because it flexes his superiority in people's faces. What a wonderful characteristic to have.

Not to sound too sanctimonious, though, because I, too, have felt those feelings and enjoyed those types of encounters, which is why I so easily recognize it. But I decided to give all that up and quit pissing on others for my enjoyment when I became an adult. But not all of us do that. Spurrier hasn't learned to play well with others, which is why he is so liked and respected throughout football (sarcasm). His need for dominance of his fellow man, however, has lead him to much success.

The truth is that Spurrier made bad teams good (like at Duke) and made good teams great (Florida) because he wants to be the best. Why does he want to be the best, though? Because Spurrier couldn't bear being on the wrong sideline midway through the final quarter while some 19 year old army infantry with helmets scores enough points to make oddsmakers think about pushing next year's spread to triple digits. I mean, of course there cannot be athletic parity through more than 20 or so teams, but there is a difference between a lesser team being embarrassed by their own play in an ugly defeat to a much better team, and a lesser team trying to gracefully live through an afternoon of shielding their eyes at the glaringly enormous gap between their talent and Florida's pro-level talent.

And while I am close to the subject of the integrity of college sports (with football being the top sport), college players on the best college teams are professional. They are paid through laundered booster money and concerned alumni who share Spurrier's contempt for a life lived in harmony with others without pointing out others' shortcomings and rubbing their faces in them.

I predict that Spurrier will have some success in the pros after all, though. I don't think that Spurrier would have even left college football except for the fact that some people discredited him because he was not coaching in the NFL. And an ego with stroke marks like his can have none of that. But in entering the NFL, he did not look for a franchise that would befit him as a coach. Nor did he look for a team whose style and talent could complement his coaching abilities. He didn't even look for a team with young talent or with salary cap room or an already strong defense or quarterback. Those things would not make him feel superior in any way. Instead, he found an owner who would give him more money than any other coach is getting, making him the biggest and baddest. Now that's a lot of unhealthy satisfaction.

So basically, Spurrier coaches football simply for his own selfish issues, and to make other people feel inferior to him. Sometimes I think that when Spurrier walks around Washington and passes a homeless person, he wants to talk football with that person, so that even a destitute tramp can admire the great Steve Spurrier, football coach (and All-American college quarterback, don't forget, I know Spurrier would remind you if you did, though).

~Jason

I oppose Karl Malone.

Last week I found out that the Detroit Shock of the WNBA won their league's championship. Good for them. Good for Detroit, the Shock players, coaches (even Bill Laimbeer) and families. But it may not be all good for the families involved. Consider that the illegitimate daughter of NBA player Karl Malone, Cheryl Ford, plays for said Shock. I'm sure they are both thrilled about the win, even if they cannot be as excited about their relationship. But this win for the family may point to a shortcoming, also. You see, Malone is near the end of a productive career in the NBA and Ford is near the start of what seems to be a successful place in the WNBA. But there is a glaring distinction that I would like to make in the spirit of hostility and anger (somewhat displaced at this point, of coarse).

Malone is entering his 19th season, but ending his time with his only team up to this point, the Utah Jazz. He will be playing this season with the Los Angeles Lakers for one reason: to win a championship like his daughter and to retire with some dignity...okay two reasons: to win a championship like his daughter and to retire with some dignity and to leave the game to younger, more talented players...damn, I mean three reason: to win a championship like his daughter and to retire with some dignity and to leave the game to younger, more talented players and to wear bright shiny gold uniforms... Oh forget it, you get the idea...or ideas.

Anyway, I followed in grief and frustration the career of Karl Malone while he played for the Jazz. In a particularly horrible exhibition of a man-made upset with hopes of curtailing the eventual extinction of the league's actual best player by creating an injustice he would have to correct as the reigning NBA superhero (NBA Finals: Jazz vs. Bulls), I nearly took my own life. Well, I'm exaggerating, I was just mad and kept telling everyone about it. But anyway, Malone made me hate him with his 'style' of play. Mostly with the illegal parts.

Malone was a major force in the NBA, with the help of teammate John Stockton (equal parts fundamental greatness, savvy, control and dirty tactics) and hard-nosed coach and self-made sanctimonious country-boy Jerry Sloan. But we cannot speak of the story of Karl Malone without the most important people to the building of the man the myth, the many incredulous referees who made Malone into the small-market main-attraction player who could not foul out of a game, miss a shot because of defensive pressure, or of course, commit an offensive foul in order to score a basket. But enough about the who and how of his propped-up career and into the white light (reference the aforementioned 'glaring').

Karl Malone will surely be in the Basketball Hall of Fame soon (expletive), but without a championship ring. His Daughter, Cheryl however, won one in her first year playing (take that, Mailman). I like this because Karl Malone has done everything in the NBA but beat the best team in June, I'm relieved to say although I cannot understand giving him an MVP, less a second one. So I hope that Cheryl's ring is a source of reflection for Malone that reminds him of his career in terms of how good he was perceived to be by most, including himself, and how good he really was.

Also, I am neither a Bulls fan, nor a Jazz fan. Incidentally, I do not particularly like bulls or jazz.

~ Jason Boyd

NC State v. Ohio State

The NC State football team lost today on the road to 3rd-ranked Ohio State in tripple overtime. Criticism came after the Worfpack used two quarterback sneak plays on 1st and 3rd downs, from the 5 and 3 yard lines, respectively.

Personally, I question the positive effect any 2nd attempt at using a sneak play after the defence had already seen it. Therefore, I think that calling a quarterback sneak with 5 yards to go was the wrong call if the offence would possibly need that play again.

Also, I would not have used it if I were more than 2 yards from the goal. The 3rd down situation was a great time for the sneak, but not after it was called on 1st down with 5 yards to go.

There was also a problem with the 4th down play call. It should have been a handoff play, not a pitch. With only a yard or two to go, a pitch play puts the running back too far back. In a goal-line situation, defensive penatration is going to happen, it is just a matter of where it happens, and how the ball carrier can get past it. The Pack made the whole on 4th down, but the back couldn't get to the line fast enough.

~ Jason Boyd